Did We Learn These In Hebrew School?
- The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
- Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
- No meal is complete without leftovers.
- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
- A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
- You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
- One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
- After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Loehmann's.
- Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
- Never take a front row seat at a bris.
- Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
- Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
- Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
- WASPs leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
- Always whisper the names of diseases.
- If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
- The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
- Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
- If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
- Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.