Things you should know if you're coming to Boston

Pay no attention to the street names

  • There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.
  • Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda: Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth ...
  • So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D ...
  • If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut,Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill.
  • If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
  • Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End.
  • Eastie is East Boston. The North End is east of the West End.
  • The West End and Scollay Square are no more, a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.

Bostonian Definitions:

  • Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
  • If it is fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
  • Soda is CLUB SODA.
  • Pop is Dad.
  • When we mean Tonic WATER, we will ask for Tonic WATER.
  • The smallest beer is a pint.
  • Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
  • If you paid more than $6/pound, you got scrod.
  • It's not a trash can; it's a barrel.
  • It's not a shopping cart; it's a carriage.
  • It's not a purse; it's a pockabook.
  • They're not franks; they're haht dahgs. Franks are money in France.

Things not to do in and around Boston:

  • Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd ... they'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville (Somerville).
  • Don't sleep in the Common.
  • Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day

Things you should know:

  • There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
  • We call it Route 128. They call it I-95 and I-93.
  • The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T" and it doesn't run all night.
    (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk)

You're from Boston if:

  • You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic and to 'J' walk.
  • You think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
  • You think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heatwave.
  • You refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting."
  • You always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green, and on-coming traffic always expects it.
  • Everything in town is "a five-minute walk."
  • You believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
  • You think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.
  • You think that the Kennedys are misunderstood.
  • War does not determine whose right; war determines who's left.